I've stumbled upon the adoption side of TikTok recently and after watching some videos and reading comments I think I'd like to talk about how we, as grandparents who adopted our grandchildren, intend on navigating the questions that might arise when our babies aren't babies anymore.
There seems to be some controversy about if adoption is the best thing for the child or not. There are questions about if the birth parents should be involved, if the adoptive parents should be allowed to change the kids names, and if they should be open with the child about being adopted. I've got my opinions obviously, so let's just get into it.
Why We Changed Their Names
This seems to be highly controversial in the adoption community on TikTok. At least from the point of the adoptee. Everyone has their reasons for why they do or don't. Usually with an older child you might give them a choice, especially if they already know their name. Our kids were not old enough to make that decision and they were also small enough that they didn't actually know the names their birth mother gave them.
When it comes to Maggie, she was originally Paisley Joann. I'm going to be honest, I was not a fan. Paisley is such a popular name right now, she would have had 15 other girls in her class with the same name, and take it from a Kristin that that is not fun! Joann is after my husbands grandmother, we found out my stepdaughter was pregnant the day of his grandmothers funeral. It took some convincing to get her to name her that, I knew it would mean a lot to my husband. I knew her grandmother would have loved it.
We wrestled with a name for a long time. When it became more obvious that Maggie would not be returning to my stepdaughters care, we started throwing around names. Vivian was a front runner until my husband veto'd it one day. Finally I just said What about Maggie Mae? By this time his grandmothers life partner had also passed and she would loved having a baby named after her as well. So, there it was. It was like it was meant to be.
When we found out that my stepdaughter was pregnant again, we started talking about names right off the bat. I was hopeful that she would choose a name he could live with but I wanted to be somewhat prepared if she didn't.
We went round and round with his name. I wanted something as meaningful as Maggie's, so I knew right of the bat that his middle name would be after my grandpa, Ivan Leroy. And then we decided on Walter. I'm not really sure who suggested it, it was brought up by a few different people because of my love for Disney. We were still up in the air with his name until the day I brought him home.
And so, Axl Cree became Walter Leroy.
When it comes to things that might have had their birth names on them, such as Maggie's babys first Christmas ornament and some cups and even her baby book, we chose to keep those. I never want to hide that part of them from them. When they look through their baby things as adults, it will tell the story of how they came to be. Their birth names are a part of that.
Will We Tell Them They're Adopted
Yes. The way my family works is someone is going to tell the thing you don't want people to know. It's just how it is. My husband and I got together when my oldest (Gaige) was newly two years old. We broke up when he was about three or four. No one had told him that my husband wasn't his dad and we hadn't told him he was, but someone in my family did tell him that he isn't his real dad and that always annoyed me. I'd like to be the one to tell my children hard things, but inevitably someone is going to screw that up for me. Which is what I told my husband when he suggested we don't tell them.
We don't make it a big deal with them. They're ours, my husband is their biological grandfather, we are family no matter if by blood or not.
Like I said for their names, we've kept everything and one day they'll come to us with questions and we will be able to answer them.
Will We Tell Them How We Got Them
Again, yes. Age appropriately of course. I have kept every single thing that is linked to their birth and adoption and CPS case. I have written it in their baby books, I have ensured that there would never be a way for anyone to put doubts in their head about how they came to be with us. And you know as well as I do, that that happens more often than not when a child gets back in touch with biological parent.
I've kept visit records from when I was supervising visits, hospital records, CPS records that I was allowed have, I've written things down and when they're old enough, they'll learn the truth.
Will Their Birth Parents Ever Have Access
I can't say never. I don't know what the future holds for them or for my stepdaughter. I know their biological father won't as long as I have anything to say about it. But I can't sit here and say that my stepdaughter won't eventually see them again.
I did send her their first and third birthday pictures through e-mail. I don't communicate with her past that. I don't give updates or send regular pictures. She has friends who watch my TikTok's and family who send her pictures I post (with a watermark on them). But, I thought it would be a nice thing to do.
Will We Take Future Children
Yes. I get asked this a lot. What if she has another one? Yes. We will take that one too. Because I've seen enough videos of people treating their adopted children like absolute garbage and I will be damned if I'm ever a part of the reason a child is treated that way. I'm hoping she has enough sense to not have any more. I sure don't want to be raising children into my 70's. But I will. I'll give up my life and every ambition and plan I ever had to protect a child. I do not care what anyone has to say about it.
Only time will tell though and we can't know what the future holds can we? So we cross that bridge when we come to it. I know I'm getting rid of anything but baby clothes and toys at this point though.
0 comments